Friday, 28 February 2014

Deciphering Man-Speak Is Easier Than You Might Think!

Men, its time to up your game!

Where on earth did they learn this language? From their fathers perhaps or is there a special class in school only for the boys? Oh, the mystery and suspense of it. Oh and how easy it is to understand once you have cracked the code!

Bob and I took our car to have a service yesterday and we waited while it was done. About an hour in, Bob took another meander around the showroom to ease his impatience and stretch his legs. I sat in a corner and read a book. Another customer came in and I heard it was a woman, by the clicking of her shoes on the tiled floor. Out of mere habit, I happened to glance up to see who it was. Oh, it was a pretty woman!

Bob was in my line of vision, and it was too comical to see the reaction this gal set off. He stood up straighter, he sucked in his tummy, he smoothed back his hair, he tried to nonchalantly look disinterested and if he hadn't seen me look up, he would have bent down to tie his shoe-lace to have a better look at her walking in front of him.

As I cracked the language code of my man early on, I like to tease him now and again as he hasn't quite realized my language proficiency.

" Bob, do you think this woman is pretty? "
" What, who, her? Really do you think so? I don't think she is pretty at all. Too overdone! "

You know, most of us women want to be the only pretty woman in the world in our man's eyes, but naturally that is impossible. Gosh, we all appreaciate beauty and we women also tend to mentally whistle after a hunky man. Oh yes, really we do!

When Bob and I first got together, I would self-conciously test him when a pretty woman crossed the horizon. Questions of ; ' Do you think she is good looking ' tended to be flung about far too frequently. Eventually the penny dropped, because Bob used the same phrase time and again:

" What, who, her? Goodness, she is not my type at all. Some guys might like that Barbie look, but not me! "

Here are some hints to help you understand man-speak:

  • The obvious answer of: " Oh no, not my type at all " is code for " My gosh, she is smoking hot ! "
  • Suddenly they are very still. Almost like a bird of prey spotting a worm on the ground. You know, seizing up the situation and watching like a hake. At times they even forget that they are in the middle of a conversation!
  • Some men think they have perfected the art of checking out a " hottie " without their wives noticing it. Let's say they are walking together in the park. In the near distance they spot a " hottie " and before she is upon them, they squat down and start to do a big performance of tying their shoe lace. Once the " hottie " is past them, they get up, but obviously in a way that gives them a good look at her. All the while thinking their better halves hadn't noticed... As if!
  • Driving past a pretty woman: Whereas before they hardly ever glance in the rear view mirrors, now they make a huge production of adjusting it. Or they take longer than necessary to glance into the side mirrors...

Oh, there is never a dull moment in a relationship. It is jolly good fun and so interesting learning that supposedly secret language. Once you are equipped with this code, going to any party or function is so much more fun!

The funniest thing about this whole code language is that the women being " checked out " know the code as well....!