My Husband, The Budding Comedian...

As a non-drinker at any party, I might as well wave a red flag in front of a bull!

About 5 years ago I stopped drinking alcohol to be a bit more healthy and ready to start a family. No, I didn't have a problem with it, but I just wanted to stop for a while.

Maybe it is because some are envious of my ability to not have alcohol or maybe just to be contraire, I get offered much more alcohol than anyone else at parties. Believe me, I will drink again in the near future and then the days of this designated driver are over. Oh dear, I can hear the sighs of disappointment already!

A few years ago while still living in South Africa, Bob and I attended a wake of one of his relations. That side of the family had never been introduced to me and I wanted to make a good impression. The hostess ( Bob's cousin ) was being kind, and offered me something to drink.

" Thank you, I'll just have a glass of water. " got me the usual response,
" No, you can't just have water. Have a beer or a glass of wine. Here, I'll pour you one. "
As she was the widow, I just kept on saying that water would be fine, and stubbornly, she kept on trying to make me have a glass of alcohol.

All this was taking place in the kitchen, where everyone was hanging out. It was like a tennis match, with ' water ' and ' wine ' being lobbed back and forth. When the audience was full of family and friends I didn't know yet, Bob ( my husband and until then, my hero ) came marching in.

He spotted my dilemma ( remember he had seen this happening plenty of times ), and sangfroid and with a deep loud voice dropped this now legendary comment:
" Oh, don't give her any alcohol, she is a recovering alcoholic. "

Cool as a cucumber he carried on walking through...well, you could have heard a pin drop. All the murderous looks I sent towards his retreating back slid off him like butter from a hot piece of toast. Ironically I could feel everybody's eyes trained on me!

The silence was only broken by embarrassed comments of " Oh dear " and a glass of water being hastily given to me. All my explanations of why I didn't drink alcohol were listened to out of politeness, but whether they sunk in is still up to the jury.

Let's just say, that when we went to a function with that branch of the family, whispers were heard and without asking for it, glasses of non-alcoholic drinks were offered tout de suite...

Biggi