Thursday, 24 April 2014

Oh Drat It's True, We Women Do Snore!

Extra, Extra, the secret is out...

Bob knows better then to mention in public that his Schatzi might be snoring the night away. If he would dare do such a stupid thing, I would fight him tooth & proverbial Nail!
Now and again he drops such heinous comments but I tend to torpedo them asap.

Reading various literature ( and granted, often the Romances ) hardly anyone mentions a woman snoring. Somehow it doesn't fit the image of a heroine. Oh no, in fact the are always depicted as sleeping so beautifully and silently, that their hero watches them for hours one end. As if!

If Bob were to watch me sleep for hours on end, he would see me looking less then glamorous. How else does one explain an open mouth where the odd gurgling sound comes from. Hardly stuff of romance novels.

Unless Bob is a sadist, he might be onto something and it is useless of me to deny it any longer.

I snore!
In the middle of the night and dare I mention, Schatzi, in the middle of my deep sleep
( R.E.M. is not just a band, you know ) my husband issues his demands...No, not those but, a terse and slightly angry one-liner:
" Baby, for goodness sake turn onto your side; you are snoring! "

This one liner is so popular in our bedroom, that I have subconsciously trained myself to sleep on my side. Oh, if he has made me cross, I will defy niceties and sleep on my back. ( Married people do know how to torture each other )

Men do have a short memory or rather, Bob has. Often there are times when the volume button on the remote control doesn't go high enough to trump his snoring. TV snoring tends to be the loudest. Apparently I do it too, but I have yet to hear it.

Falling asleep in public ( such as at a party of sorts ) is of course dangerous. I don't know about you, but I have woken myself up with a chortle and groggy noise coming from my throat. In fact, those are so loud that at first it's easier to assume someone else was the culprit...until you see the suppressed laughter of your friends.

Look, it is official, I Snore. If you snore too ( or your better half does ), give off the social media equivalent of a smoke signal and let me know....