Saturday, 2 May 2015

Dear Men, Husbands and Boyfriends: Thank You For Putting Up With Our One Flaw!

All of you deserve a medal.

It was a typical May-Day yesterday. A day of leisure, family and good food. Bob had gone off to spend most of the day with his other family ( fire brigade ) and we went to a proper castle to have lunch. Schloss Kohfidisch had a Buschenschank and I had wanted to try it out for a long time and it surpassed my expectations.

Alas, I have not spent much time in castles but driving up to this one and entering the Buschenschank was special. An occasion coupled with imbibing the history of walls and tables. We sat in the kitchen, mind you the kitchen of yore with super large Aga like stoves and more than likely the place that everyone congregated during the cold winters. Gosh, if those walls could have even whispered the going on's of a few centuries ago...

The food was great and as is the case with Buschenschank fare, laden with delightful yet tasty calories. Say what you want about our parallel parking abilities / driving abilities or cooking skills, but almost all of us are ace at counting calories. Not only counting them, but intrinsically knowing the " stickabilty " of meals: a second on our hips, a day on our hips a tad longer...

My food tasted so divine, that I finished each and every bit of it and resisted using my fingers to lap up bits. We sat at the long table in the kitchen which could easily have seated about twelve or more. As we paid, another party came and sat next to us. I didn't need to be a profiler to know that they were from Vienna ( overdressed for the countryside ). The women were perusing the menu with great care ( perhaps counting calories ) and then one of them uttered that age old line.

" Oh, I don't know if I should eat this...perhaps I'll start my diet tomorrow "
We've all done it and when I heard her say it, I felt deflated.

Even before they had ordered, she had set the tone. The men of the party, were nicely filled out and clearly they were looking forward to enjoy their vittles.

I am sorry for those times that I have uttered these sinful words. Men, how often have we spoilt your meals at restaurants with our constant niggling about what to eat. When you guys want to show us a good time and feed us ( men are honeys and always think we are too skinny...as opposed to us, who are brainwashed to automatically think we are too fat ) we do deal breakers such as:

  • " Do you think they use a lot of butter in this sauce? "
  • " I would like to order a salad, but leave out the dressing. " ( gosh even a rabbit would revolt )
  • " Honey, how many calories do you think these dish has? "
  • " Oh, I would love to eat this Schnitzel, but I don't know. I shouldn't as I don't want to put on weight."
  • " Do you really want to order this? Think of the how rich it is..."
it is a sheer miracle that you men haven't wished us to Jericho. Collectively we have ruined rather a few of your dinners out. Kudos to you, that you still venture out with us.

Dear men, would you rather we enjoy our food without a care in the world and perhaps sport an extra pound or two, or would you like us to be stick thin and carry on eating rabbit food?

Dear men, you need medals galore for putting up so long with our one & only flaw...

Biggi